Lobsters

I feel bad for my mom; I've spent the last 30+ years watching her with a magnifying glass. Judging. Wincing. Watching. Like a hawk. No one should be watched as closely as children watch and observe their parents. More specifically, no one in their right mind should watch another person eat closely; Devouring another creature is brutal and barbaric. No one looks great doing it.

Anyway. On special occasions, my mother would order the lobster and I had the moral obligation to watch her go to town on this sorry crustacean. As a little cherry on top was when she would SAY crustacean. CRUST - TE - SE - IN. I was so mean. This woman gave me life, put her body through hell and gave up so much just so my crumby little ass could sit there smugly judging her pronunciation.


Lobsters supposedly mate for life. Supposedly. I'm getting this information from an episode of Friends. My best friend Steffie really liked that episode and frequently told me that whatever guy I was dating at the time was my lobster. When I finally met and married my lobster, she never mentioned it.

What the f, Stef.

Lobsters reportedly live to be in their 60's. Whenever I think of this, I think of how lame old lobsters must seem at weddings dancing around like old crustaceans. And then, Im like "what an agist i am!" 

David Foster Wallace wrote a short story that was actually a food review, called Consider the Lobster. "Originally published in the August 2004 issue of Gourmet magazine, this review of the 2003 Maine Lobster Festival generated some controversy among the readers of the culinary magazine.[3] The essay is concerned with the ethics of boiling a creature alive in order to enhance the consumer's pleasure, including a discussion of lobster sensory neurons." In short, lobsters probably feel all that pain from boiling to death. If thats true, there are a LOT of sayings comparing boiling lobsters to stresses of human life that out there that are just downright INCORRECT.

Time

Albert Einstein's proved that time is relative. It speeds up, slows down depending on how fast one thing is moving relative to something else.


In the 70's, they tested this out by setting Atomic clocks (extremely accurate clocks that can measure tiny amounts of time—billionths of a second). Science folks (read: nerds) used two atomic clocks to test Einstein's theory of relativity and time. One atomic clock was set up on the ground, while another was sent around the world on a jet traveling at 600 mph. At the start, both clocks showed exactly the same time.


As Einstein predicted , the clocks no longer showed the same time. The clock on the jet was off by a few billionths of a second. In essence, if you are moving fast towards something time actually goes by faster and thats some heavy stuff.


Sometimes, when my social calender gets filled up, I feel like time went by quick. Indeed, time flies by when your having fun. Einstein would say, it goes by even quicker for you if you ran there, took a train, biked, or flew there.


I was absent the day they taught time in school. When I ask someone what time it is, they tend to show me their watch and I say "okay, thanks". What I'm actually saying is thanks for showing me your watch. Big hand, little hand. I dont know and Im too nervous to care to learn.


Thank god my iphone prevents me from having to ask people the time anymore.


My husband bought me a beautiful watch for Christmas. It is not digital, so I wear it as jewelry.

Im the kind of person that is passionately moved by theory of relativity but completely thrown into a frenetic panic whenever people try to teach me how to tell time.


Recently, I pleaded with my husband to slow down. He has a habit of rushing through stuff and this makes me feel like life is going by too quickly. I want to savor the moment. It also means we can not have nice dishes because his tendency toward multitasking, speed and efficiency means we break a lot of glassware.


I cant live in a world of plastic.



Time is a very strange and special thing, it brings you closer to death and makes you look uglier as it goes on. It's also the basis for which we live and manmade. or it is. i sound like i smoked pot. forget it.